PEOPLE PLEASING – Shape Shifting To Please Others? I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard people say, “Well, please yourself,” or “Suit yourself.” I can still hear my mother’s voice echoing those words in my head. It was her way of rebuking me when I ignored her advice, and it was always said in an indignant tone. I know she meant well. What she was probably saying was, “Go ahead and do what you want, even if I disagree or wouldn’t choose that path myself” but I always felt the pressure that I had to conform to her wishes. I grew up in a military family—my father was an Army Warrant Officer. He found it difficult to express emotion and kept his feelings guarded. From a young age, I realised that the only way to get his attention or any outward sign of affection was to be a “good boy or being nice". That meant behaving well all the time, playing the part he seemed to value most, a bit like being a soldier who follows orders. I followed that strategy for years. But more ...
